How to Divide Up Personal Possessions Without Dividing the Family

Allocating your personal possessions can be one of the most difficult tasks when creating an estate plan. To avoid family feuds after you are gone, it is important to have a plan and make your wishes clear.

When passing on possessions to your heirs, savings and investments are easy to divide up, since they can be turned into cash. Real estate can also be sold or shared by co-owners. The most difficult items to divvy up are personal possessions — silverware, dishes, artwork, furniture, tools, jewelry — items that are unique and do not have a set resale value. In legal terms these are known as "tangible personal property," and they can become the focus of family fights. Often one or more children claim that a parent had promised them a particular item, and things may disappear from a house shortly before or after a parent's death.

A few approaches that help:

• Write a personal property memorandum that your will refers to, listing specific items and who receives them.
• Talk with your family now, so promises and expectations are known while you can still explain your reasoning.
• Give items away during your lifetime if you no longer need them.
• Set out a fair process — taking turns choosing, drawing lots, or appointing a neutral person to referee.

The specific method matters less than making a decision and putting it in writing.